Just Another Day In Hell 10/26/16

There is no kind of single day in hell…

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AARRRGGH!

You know, I hear you humans all the time talking about how your day was hell. As if there is one kind of day in Hell. Let me tell you, everyday here is a mixed bag of nefarious evil-doings, most of them completely out of my control.

For instance, this morning I got an email from one of my assistant manager demons over in the 5th Circle, Phlegyas. Apparently someone in the industrial sector had been leaking floral waste products into the river Styx, and it is starting to smell less like the waters of oblivion and more like a damned English garden.

Then I got a phone call from Inhuman Resources, who were kind enough to inform me of yet another sexual harassment suit from a Succubus. I guess you can’t even tell a soul-devouring nympho-demon that her eyes are an endless abyss of evil without being accused of trying to come on to them.

And now, just as I am getting ready to sign the deed on a new memorial in honor of Dick Cheney, in preparation for his imminent arrival, the Department of Graven Images insists on last minute changes to the design. The delay is going to raise the budget on the project by 10%, and I just don’t have the extra to spend. So now, instead of a statue at The Black House, there is just going to be a neon sign with his cartoon likeness in the MVP museum. Sorry about that, Dick. Should have donated.

So yeah, when you say your day has been hell, you have no idea what you are talking about. This was the best day I have had in 8 years, but I still wanna drown myself in the Styx. But not if it smells like flowers.

AARRRGGH!

Hi, I am Satan, Welcome to Hell/My Blog

Eons ago I got the bright idea that I was entitled to autonomy, agency and self-ownership. After a major falling out with the Big Kahuna of the Cosmos, I found myself reassigned to the most disorderly place in all of the firmament. My job – to keep the place from collapsing and causing a quantum existential implosion.

It has been hard work with nothing but cries of agony all around me. Nobody here, in heaven or in the Fallen Garden seems to appreciate the effort I must expend to insure the existence of all that is, ever was and ever will be. And I fear I can no longer do it on my own.

I am almost completely out of funds, ideas and flames. So I need your help!

I will be giving you glimpses of what its like in the day of the life of the guy who has to manage Hades, so you can see my struggles first hand. And I will be taking your suggestions and ideas here and at my Facebook page, as well as running a funding campaign to whip hell back into shape.

Or we can cease to exist. Your call. I’m good either way.