Another Valentine’s Day

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Just Another Day in Hell 12/28/16

Trust me humans, when I want you to see me… YOU WILL!

red-devil

 

I’ve let it go for a long time, mainly because I like to laugh at these stories of fiction just like most. Most of them are from people who are close to coming to live with me, but… They haven’t quite finished the tasks I needed completed so, I usually will send them back to complete their work. Here are a couple of my newest favorite stories I’m sure to bring a chuckle to your ugly mug…

One guy made a video saying he saw me fall out of the sky like lightning while he was close to death. He stood outside in an empty field video taping himself in front of some sculptures even I don’t like  looking at. He kept rambling on and on and on… Who knows what he was really talking about. Every few moments or so, he would read a bible verse and make my ears bleed with that mumbo jumbo… The part that fascinated me most was… If I’m already in Hell.. How in the hell, can I fall out of Heaven just to land in Hell again?

rainbow-gloves

Then we have a lady who thinks she sees me when she is awake. She’s a special case alright! She says she has seen me twice. I like to kill people, so I know for sure this is not the case. The first time she saw me, she says I looked like I was made only out of two hands and a rainbow. How pretty that must have been for her!! RAINBOWS????  Yeah, ok lady!!

white-guy-with-blue-eyes

 

The second time she saw me..  You ready for this? I was a tall white man, with short, blonde hair. She even remembed that I had a part in the side of my head. She said I have beautiful blue eyes!! WOW!!! I had on a Black suit with a white shirt and a black tie. Who am I? Paul Walker? He’s around here DRIVING some girls crazy.. But, I digress.. This lady sounds like she was describing the man she wants and not me! I am so glad I do not look like that! I wouldn’t get plastic surgery to make myself look like that for all the donations in the world to my HELP MAKE HELL GREAT AGAIN fund! Speaking of which… If you all don’t start donating, I might have to make a real appearance real soon!

HAIL ERIS!

 

 

 

Just another day in Hell 12/6/16

Make Hell Great Again!

When all of your minion’s are doing such a great job… What’s left to do?

Being the Prince of Darkness is not as easy as it sounds. There’s a lot of different drudgeries to be completed. My days are not as laid back as most might think. I don’t sit around waiting for people to pull out Ouija boards, hoping they will get the urge to try to reach me from above the molten crust. No, that would be too time consuming. Can you imagine how many idiots buy those things? However, I still do like to send the occasional sign out to my tarot card readers every now and again. I have to keep my fans happy and always wanting more!

This brings me back to my main dilemma… What’s left for a devil to do now that his servants are running amuck and causing havoc across the US? Am I supposed…

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Just another day in Hell 12/6/16

When all of your minion’s are doing such a great job… What’s left to do?

Being the Prince of Darkness is not as easy as it sounds. There’s a lot of different drudgeries to be completed. My days are not as laid back as most might think. I don’t sit around waiting for people to pull out Ouija boards, hoping they will get the urge to try to reach me from above the molten crust. No, that would be too time consuming. Can you imagine how many idiots buy those things? However, I still do like to send the occasional sign out to my tarot card readers every now and again. I have to keep my fans happy and always wanting more!

This brings me back to my main dilemma… What’s left for a devil to do now that his servants are running amuck and causing havoc across the US? Am I supposed to learn how to knit while I wait to take over the earth? I know! Saddam and I will initiate Fidel into our new rock band! I do still want to do that!

I am enjoying all of the tantrums people are throwing! Such entertainment! It does get me through these days of complete and utter boredom. After centuries and centuries of tormenting souls…. I know that soon… You foolish mortals… Are going to….

End it all!!!! And… You’ll all be MINE!!!