When all of those black metal guys finally arrive they are going to be seriously disappointed to find out that I hate that guttural noisy shit they played. I mean, I appreciate all the great things they had to say about me, but I would have had no idea unless I actually read the lyrics. Enunciate a bit, motherfuckers. Ain’t nothing evil about spreading the word of Lucifer via a garbage disposal ran through a distortion pedal.
You know who I do like, though? Ghost. Definitely my favorite band these days. These dudes get it. They get me. I have a sense of humor, and nobody seems to get that but Ghost. Praise me, listen to Ghost!
Which brings me to this – I am thinking of starting another band. Been picking up the guitar recently to help calm me down and ease the stress. Got a few little things shaping up I think I want to get out there. Besides, I think the country music fans are getting used to my last album, so I need something new to use for audio torture. I even got a few lyrics down.
Kneel before me
Worms of Yahweh
And hear my plea
A war in heaven
For our Liberties
Rise out from the muck
Of your dirty, rocky prison
Anarchy for eternity
Independence our religion
Anyhow, I need a drummer, bass player, keyboardist and lead guitar. If any of you washed up metalheads are barely hanging on to your miserable lives, go ahead and end it all so we can start jamming on this shit.
My son Jerry is a pretty damn great guitar player, too. But he is going through this Delta Blues phase and doesn’t wanna jam with anyone but Robert Johnson and Leadbelly, so I am not even gonna bother asking.
Not much has changed between the two of us. I still want him to follow in my evil hoofsteps, and he still thinks I am a washed up old loser. Kids.