Today all Hell went on a full Code Blue. Lost Souls Matter activists, irritating subhellions that they are, tried to shut down the Highway to Hell. While most of my minions were busy clearing it, another sect of dissidents attempted to breach the Stairway to Heaven. During the time that I had almost every demon at my disposal dealing with these two issues, the rest of Hell rose up.
A full-on mutiny in Hades.
No problem, right? Just blast them out with the air conditioning.
Sure, except that now my budget for the month just went triple red and I have to work the minions double time for half pay just to get back on track. Not good for morale, but I am running out of choices here. Without some help here soon, the damned are just going to have to damn themselves.
So I got two separate emails today chiding me for naming my son Jerry.
“What kind of evil name is Jerry? Are you trying to raise a Jr. Darklord or a trucker with an awkward, erotic attachment to Star Trek?”
“No wonder your son isn’t trying to become the next Patriarch of the Underworld, dude, you named him Jerry. If my dad named me Jerry I would try to become everything he hated.”
Maybe you Earthsiders don’t know this, but there are a shit ton of dudes named Jerry here. In the past 50 years the only thing we have gotten more of than Jerrys is Waynes. There are some seriously sinful Jerrys. But if I have to kill this one, I am definitely going to name the next one Wayne.
Been celibate way too long. Called Sheila for some Netflix and Chill tonight. Yeah, I know, I said I wouldn’t go there again. Sue me. I may be a scaly, goat-headed, fallen angel with a comical tail and pigeon toed hooves, but I am still a man. I have needs. Not expecting much, but I will report back.
Have a hellacious weekend and remember – Only I will accept you unconditionally for eternity.